Anger Dos and Don’ts

Anger Management For Dummies

You can get what you want in life through appropriate behavior or attempt to do so with anger, aggression and obnoxious behavior. You’ll get more cooperation and succeed more often with the former approach. Here’s a list of a few anger do’s and don’ts to help you see the difference.

Do be competitive. All successful people are competitive. The trick is to know when and how.
Don’t be confrontational. You won’t accomplish everything you want in life with a hostile, in-your-face attitude. People typically avoid confrontation, so they end up avoiding you.
Do be forceful in pursing goals. Passion and drive fuel success. It’s not enough to wish for success; you have to work hard to get there.
Don’t be too intense. Don’t overpower those around you. It’s exhausting — for you and for them.
Do be persistent in getting what you want out of life. When you start something, stick with it. Don’t allow anger to distract you from your objective or cause you to give up prematurely.
Don’t be impatient. Give people a chance to work with you on solving a problem. Let time be your ally, not your enemy. Never be afraid to step away from a challenge to achieve a better perspective.
Do be direct in your communication. Let people know how you feel about things — big and little. Don’t leave it up to them to figure out whether you’re angry and why. And don’t say you’re fine when you’re not.
Don’t be demanding. People cooperate and get less defensive if you ask them to do something instead of ordering them around.
Do be a determined person. That means having resolve and being unwavering in what you say and do. Determination is a trait people admire.
Don’t be domineering. Don’t beat others over the head with your opinions and ideas. Don’t always think you have to have the last word. Stop interrupting and try being more of an active listener.

About This Article

About the book author:

Charles H. Elliott, Ph.D. (Corrales, New Mexico) is a clinical psychologist and a Founding Fellow in the Academy of Cognitive Therapy. He is also a member of the faculty at Fielding Graduate University. He specializes in the treatment of adolescents and adults with obsessive compulsive disorder, anxiety, anger, depression, and personality disorders. He presents nationally and internationally on new developments in the assessment and therapy of emotional disorders.

Laura L. Smith, Ph.D. (Corrales, New Mexico) is a clinical psychologist who specializes in the assessment and treatment of adults and children with obsessive compulsive disorder, as well as personality disorders, depression, anxiety, ADHD, and learning disorders. She is often asked to provide consultations to attorneys, school districts, and governmental agencies. She presents workshops on cognitive therapy and mental health issues to national and international audiences.

W. Doyle Gentry, PhD, is a clinical psychologist, a distinguished Fellow in the American Psychological Association, and the Founding Editor of the Journal of Behavioral Medicine.