Common Anger Myths

Before you can manage your own anger, you need to be aware of what anger is and isn't. Unfortunately, myths about anger abound. Here are some of the myths you can dispel right from the get-go:

• If you don't express anger, you just might explode. The truth is, the more often you express anger, the more likely you will feel angry in the future. On the other hand, appropriately, carefully expressed anger can help you. So keep reading!

• Males are angrier than females. If by angrier you mean how often people experience anger, it's simply not true that men are angrier than women. Surveys show that women get mad about as frequently as men. Men and women may express anger a little differently, but research has been inconsistent on that issue.

• Anger is bad. Anger serves a variety of positive purposes when it comes to coping with stress. When controlled, it can energize you, improve your communication with other people, and defend you against fear and insecurity.

• Anger is good. When it leads to domestic violence, property damage, sexual abuse, drug addiction, ulcers, and self-mutilation, anger is definitely not good.

• Anger is only a problem when you openly express it. Many angry people either suppress their anger ("I don't want to talk about it!") or repress their anger ("I'm not angry at all — really!"). People who express their anger are the squeaky wheels who get everyone's attention; people who repress or suppress their anger need anger management just as much.

• The older you get, the more irritable you are. It's the other way around — as people age, they report fewer negative emotions and greater emotional control. People — like wine and cheese — do tend toimprove with age.

• Anger is all in the mind. When you get mad, that emotion instantly manifests itself in muscles throughout your entire body, the hairs on the back of your neck, your blood pressure, your blood sugar levels, your heart rate, your respiration rate, your gut, even your finger temperature (it warms up!) — long before you're fully aware of what's happening.

• Anger is all about getting even. The most common motive behind anger has been shown to be a desire to assert authority or independence, or to improve one's image — not necessarily to cause harm. Revenge is a secondary motive. A third motive involves letting off steam over accumulated frustrations — again with no apparent intent to harm anyone else.

• If you don't express anger, you'll be seen as weak. Not so. In fact, a calm, measured, assertive response not only works better but also is quite powerful.

• People with anger problems have low self-esteem. In fact, sometimes they do. However, a much more common companion of anger is excessively inflated self-esteem.

• Only certain types of people have a problem with anger. You can easily find angry truck drivers, college professors, physicians, grandmothers, lawyers, policemen, career criminals, poor people, millionaires, children, the elderly, and people of various ethnicities, nationalities, and religions. Anger is a universal emotion.

• Anger results from human conflict. Sometimes yes, sometimes no. People get angry by being exposed to foul odors, negotiating traffic jams, aches and pains, computer problems, and hot temperatures — none of which involve (or can be blamed on) the direct, intentional actions of others.