Paula Hall

Article / Updated 09-01-2021

After the initial passion and excitement of lust has faded, sex can start to feel routine and predictable for some couples, particularly if you’re both leading busy or stressful lives. There are lots of ways to liven up your sex life and put passion back into a relationship. Maintain a sexual connection with your partner If you’re working all day or busy raising a family, you may find that you stop seeing your partner as a lover. Maintaining a sexual connection will help you keep a sense of sexuality outside of the bedroom. Try: Sending saucy text messages during the day Saying “I want you," or paying an unexpected, sexually loaded compliment Being physically bolder with affection Create sexual space to arouse your senses Think about creating an environment that appeals to each of your five senses in order to maximize the sensual experience. Sight: Soft lightning and candlelight in particular can be very romantic and can cast exciting shadows in a room. Think about colors that excite you. Try swapping the bed linen for something sexy. Sound: Playing music can help to get you in the mood. Think about what kind of music makes you feel sexy, or calm and chilled. Smell: Your partner’s favorite scent, or favorite aromatherapy oil can get your pulse racing. Lavender aids relaxation, ylang ylang can boost sensuality, or choose sandalwood to boost your sexual energy. Taste: The link between food and sexual desire is well known. Foods which are said to contain aphrodisiac properties include strawberries, asparagus, chocolate, oysters, saffron, and lettuce. Touch: Your skin is the biggest sensory organ you have, yet it’s often forgotten about. Interesting textures such as silk, fur, feather and satin can help you rekindle a passion for touch and feel. Alter the rules of romantic initiation If sex has become a bit routine, try spicing things up by initiating sex in new ways: Romantic and tender: This could start with a romantic supper, or massage, or any gesture which says "I love you." Brazen and bold: Try a sexy, direct statement or physical come-on that's straight to the point and says "I want you." Urgent and frenzied: The tempo is quickly upped after the usual hug and kiss. Daring and erotic: Turn up the volume by dressing sexily or performing a strip-tease for your partner. Try altering time, place, and technique to further beat the bedroom boredom. Be daring and create a sense of sexual excitement Acting out fantasies can be a rich and exciting experience for couples. Once you’ve shared an experience, you’re likely to feel more comfortable with your fantasy lives and extend your repertoire further. If you do want to act out a fantasy, make sure that your partner is comfortable with the idea. Playing grown-up games can also bring passion back to your sex life, and can increase feelings of trust and intimacy. Try: Buying a blindfold Adding sexy twists to classic games like hide and seek Buying a commercial sex game Staging fun play fights Engaging in role play