Sue Fox

Cheat Sheet / Updated 12-08-2022

Practicing proper etiquette means knowing the mechanics of dining, the correct amount to tip for a service, giving a gift graciously, and traveling with ease while exercising good manners.

Cheat Sheet / Updated 04-26-2022

Business etiquette is vitally important for representing your company in the best manner possible. Having excellent business manners means two things above all else: respecting others, and treating people with courtesy and kindness. To get started, you should know how to deliver a proper handshake, master the art of gift-giving, and travel abroad without missteps.

Cheat Sheet / Updated 03-16-2022

Wedding etiquette rules have relaxed a bit over time, but common sense and basic etiquette are still necessary in every phase of wedding planning — and on the big day itself. Familiarizing yourself with what to do before, during, and after your wedding will help ensure that everyone enjoys all your wedding festivities.

Article / Updated 03-26-2016

Believe it or not, mingling is a vitally important business skill. Mingling well demonstrates that you're a friendly, open, and engaged person who is interested in other people. Mingling poorly shows others that you're either unsure of yourself or so egotistical that you can't listen to others. Nowhere is the art of mingling more important to your career than at a company party. Make the rounds at the party. Don't spend all your time talking to one person; you want to circulate. Other people will be anxious about mingling and will welcome your efforts to make conversation. The following tips show you how to make the most out of an event and be a good representative for your company: Be prepared. Know what you want to accomplish at the event — to meet a number of people, find a particular resource, or get noticed. Remember to carry business cards and exchange them when appropriate. As you circulate, make sure you politely excuse yourself from the conversation. To say nothing as you exit is considered rude. Hold your drink in your left hand so that if you are introduced to someone, you don't extend a cold, wet hand to shake. Always avoid making negative comments. You don't have to lie, but never slander your employer or coworkers. Even if you think the company is mismanaged, keep it to yourself. Don't overindulge at work events. Your behavior is a reflection of your company, and staying sober can keep you from saying things you will regret later. Introduce yourself and others properly. If possible, learn the names of the attendees and the appropriate way of making an introduction beforehand. If name tags are available, wear one. Make eye contact, give solid handshakes, and try to speak to people you haven't met before. You never know what doors may open for you simply because you made the effort to greet your colleagues in another department. Follow the preceding guidelines and you'll be set! Mingle! Don't let fear stop you from approaching someone you've never met. With a bit of practice and planning before the event, you'll soon be conversing with confidence. While making small talk with a new group of people, the worst thing you can do is keep glancing around for someone better to engage in conversation. You can't find a faster way to make someone feel unimportant. When you're speaking with someone, she should receive your full attention — no wandering eyes! Cocktail parties and other mingling events usually are noisy and punctuated with interruptions. They're not ideal venues for serious business conversations, so people will appreciate your keeping the conversation light. If you see the potential for a fruitful business discussion, hand the other person your business card, and say you will call her to make an appointment to continue the conversation.

Article / Updated 03-26-2016

Teaching your child phone etiquette and phone safety requires good sense and firm guidance. You want your children to learn how to communicate effectively, but you don't want them to take over the phone as their own personal property. Safety is another consideration. Every child who is old enough to manage a phone should know how to dial 9-1-1 and stay on the line. Don't overlook your responsibility to teach your children when and how to dial 9-1-1. Here are some suggestions regarding children, phone etiquette, and phone safety: Don't inflict toddlers on others via the phone. When Grandma (or anyone else!) calls, don't put your 2-year-old on the line unless that person asks to speak to the child. You may think that it's cute, but Granny and others may not be thrilled to get an earful of silence or babbling when calling long-distance. Even if the call is local, remember that the person called to speak with you, not your child. Similarly, avoid prolonged conversations with your child while your caller waits (patiently or impatiently) on the other end of the line. Discuss with other parents your desires regarding child-to-child calling times for preteens and teens. Establish the best time of day and a maximum duration for calls between kids, and then enforce the rules. Even though most kids have their own cell phones these days, the parents are still usually the ones who pay the bills and should have the final word in regard to when and for how long talking on the phone is appropriate. Teach children how to take a message. If a child is old enough to answer the phone, the child is old enough to take a name and number and promise a callback. Make sure that teenagers participate in equal access to telephones in the same way that they participate in equal dessert at dinnertime. Establishing a time limit for each call and a between-call time interval is fair. Otherwise, you won't receive incoming calls for anyone else in the house. Don't worry if your Shoshanna dials up her friend Justin to arrange a meeting at the coffee shop. The old business about girls not calling boys has pretty much disappeared. Examine your monthly telephone bills carefully. You may discover that one of your children is using the phone in a way that displeases you. Kids tell each other about little scams and pranks that they can play with the phone. Discuss exceptional charges and notations with the child. If your child has her own line or cell phone, consider placing limits on it. Your telephone or wireless phone company can provide useful limits on a telephone to keep your children — and your phone bills — safe. For example, you can arrange to block all outgoing 900-number calls and all long-distance calls. In other words, the youngster can use the home telephone only for local calls. Purchasing a calling card for cell-phone use can also limit large phone bills. Display positive cell-phone behavior with your children and teenagers. Remember, children learn by example. Even if your children are old enough to stay home alone, it is still wise to ask them not answer the home phone when you're away. As an extra safety precaution, tell them to let the calls go to the answering machine or voice mail.

Article / Updated 03-26-2016

No matter what you call it — manners, courtesy, etiquette, or civility — you can associate it with leadership. When you take the lead in putting people at ease and making every situation pleasant, you exhibit poise. Poise comes from being self-confident. In today's climate, etiquette and civility are sometimes seen as snobbery. Others view polite behavior as a sign of weakness, and some professionals actually believe that it's impossible to get to the top while being gracious and polite. None of this is true. Knowing how and when to ask for what you want in a polite manner means empowerment. When you need to ask for something, be sure to remember the following: Speak up. Even if you feel intimidated or nervous, you can get around these roadblocks that undermine your efforts by speaking with confidence. Invite reactions, making it easy for your allies to respond to your request or expectation. Be open to constructive criticism. Be specific, focus clearly on what you really want or need, and ask for it. You may even want to jot down a few notes or rehearse mentally before making your request, especially if you're about to ask someone on a date. Don't undermine yourself. Adding on demeaning tag beginnings or endings — such as, "I know this is a stupid question, but. . ." or "I'm sorry to have to ask you this.. ." — makes you sound like you lack self-confidence. Being assertive doesn't equal rudeness. Take responsibility for nurturing and maintaining your own self-esteem. When you're competent in using basic assertive skills, you can feel confident to handle most situations and can achieve the respect you deserve.

Article / Updated 03-26-2016

The way you initially address your parents-in-law can have a lasting effect on them and can shape the future of your relationships. Every family is unique, so here are some basic guidelines of etiquette to keep you in safe territory until you figure out what works best in your own extended family. If you can bring yourself to call your parents-in-law Mom and Dad, they'll probably be pleased. In many families, parents consider sons-in-law and daughters-in-law to be as close to them as their own children, and they appreciate that affectionate regard in return. But some people find this practice difficult, at least at first. The safest tactic is to confess your uncertainty and ask your parents-in-law how they wish to be addressed. Be prepared to honor their response. If they ask you to use their first names, do so. If your mother-in-law asks to be called Mother Smith, so be it. If the answer is Mom, call her Mom. When everyone's parents are present, you may call your own parents Mom and Dad and your spouse's parents Mother Jones and Father Jones. In all cases, using a pronoun instead of an actual name is an absolute no-no. When the person is within earshot, using words such as she and her is definitely not courteous, and the more you use them, the more rude they seem. You can usually address your spouse's grandparents with their last names appended, as in "Grandma and Grandpa Smith" (unless there is no ambiguity, in which case you can call them simply "Grandma and Grandpa"). Some grandparents don't wish to "sound so old" to their adult grandchildren, though. Ask directly what the grandparents prefer to be called.

Article / Updated 03-26-2016

A couple years ago, e-mail surpassed postal mail as the highest-volume carrier of messages. Its popularity has been booming ever since and shows no signs of stopping. Though volumes have been written about e-mail etiquette, many of the worst offenders don't seem to be reading. What can you do to keep your business e-mails proper? Communicate clearly The best feature of e-mail is also the worst: Communication with one or many people, across the hall or across the world, can happen immediately. That immediacy can be a tremendous asset when you need that kind of power. It can also be a real problem when you use it as a substitute for thoughtful, meaningful communication. One problem with overusing e-mail is that your tone can easily be misunderstood. In person or on the phone, listeners can get visual or verbal cues and pick up emotions and nuances, particularly sarcasm. Even in the age of irony, and even if you use the ubiquitous smiley, readers may miss your point. "I heard Thursday's staff meeting went really well!" has a completely different meaning when it's spoken in a sarcastic tone (the meeting didn't go well at all) than it does when it's spoken in a happy, direct tone. Chances are good that your readers will misunderstand this statement in an e-mail. Always reread your e-mail message for clarity and tone before you send it, and follow up with a phone call if you don't get a prompt response. Write with style Here are a few stylistic mistakes that people make when using e-mail: Forgetting the rules of spelling and grammar: Perhaps because of the sheer volume of e-mails that people send, e-mail tends to be a very informal medium. Informal, however, should not mean sloppy. Watch for problems such as sentence fragments and spelling errors. If you're not sure about the rules of grammar, keep a style guide handy. Being unprofessional: Just because you're sending an e-mail instead of a memo or telephone call doesn't mean you can let your professional standards relax. Although a touch of humor in the tone of an e-mail can be fine, make sure you preserve your professionalism. Although smileys may be helpful in social e-mails, avoid using them in business. Omitting a greeting and/or closing: Even worse is using "Hey" as a greeting. Is it really that hard to type "Hi Jim" or "Best wishes, Bev"? Using ALL CAPITALS: Capitals are harder to read than regular text. In addition, many people view their use as the e-mail equivalent of yelling, so if you wouldn't scream something in the conference room, don't type it in all capitals. Using all lowercase letters: This is often a sign of laziness. Make sure you capitalize proper nouns, names, and the first letter of each sentence. Using offensive language: Though you should watch your language at work in general, spoken expletives float away into the air. Written ones sit there on the computer screen, maybe for longer than you want them to.

Article / Updated 03-26-2016

Body language can make or break a deal. How you carry yourself when engaged in conversation is often as important as what you say. Body language is nonverbal, but it communicates volumes about you nonetheless. With almost infinite symbolic interpretations for body language, no wonder people are nervous about it! Your best bet is to know about some of the body-language pits you can fall into and how to avoid them. Standing When you stand, keep your back straight, middle section in alignment with your back, shoulders back, and head up. This posture connotes comfort with yourself and ease in the situation. Slouching, sticking your belly out, stuffing your hands in your pockets, and folding your arms defensively all suggest aggressive unease. Sitting Take care in the way you sit, for no other position connotes so much on its own. Think of the diversity of sitting positions that you've seen in business meetings, from practically horizontal to alert and upright. Sit with a straight back and with your legs together in front of you or crossed, either at the knee or at the ankle. Normally, women don't cross their legs, but men are allowed. Avoid jiggling your knee, which is a sign of nervousness (and can be pretty annoying to people sitting near you). Hands Some people talk with their hands; others stand with their hands glued to their sides. Most people haven't the foggiest notion what their hands are doing when they talk. Using your hands can be effective sometimes, aggressive sometimes, and irrelevant most of the time. Controlling your hands takes effort and willpower. Monitor your hand movements. Avoid making sweeping, cappuccino-clearing gestures during meetings. If you have to, sit on your hands. Head movements Head movements communicate important information. Nodding in agreement can be immensely helpful to others, but too much nodding makes you look like a bobble-head doll. Shaking your head can signal disagreement or disapproval, but avoid shaking your head too much. Facial expressions Facial expressions are crucial in your repertoire of body language. No other part of your body can convey the immense richness of nonverbal communication that your face does. For example: Smiles are important signals of generosity and nonaggression. But forced smiles signal that you can barely tolerate the other person. Likewise, frowns signal disagreement, disapproval, and sometimes anger. But they can also suggest hard thinking and focused concentration. These facial expressions are the most obvious ones, but hundreds of others exist: an arched eyebrow, flared nostrils, a bitten lip, a grimace . . . and on and on. Every one of them has a culturally agreed-on set of meanings. Take a day to monitor your most frequently used facial expressions and assess their appropriateness and their effectiveness. You'll probably be surprised by the types of messages your expressions transmit! Eyes Maintain eye contact when talking with others. Do not study your hands or clean your fingernails while others are talking. When talking in a group, make eye contact with everyone; don't focus on only one person.

Article / Updated 03-26-2016

Stereotyping, ridiculing, demeaning, or insulting other people is always a mistake. In business, this behavior can be disastrous. Racial and ethnic differences can be especially complex, particularly in the expanding global market. Along with the cultural diversity inherent in the global marketplace comes confusion about how to behave. People don't always know how to interact with others from different ethnic and racial backgrounds. In fact, people don't even know whether their behavior should be different. Race and ethnicity are less important than your beliefs and attitudes about these things. Don't typecast or stereotype because of physical or cultural features. The paramount rule of etiquette — respect for others — rules out such behavior. Nevertheless, differences do exist, and you need to know how to respect them. You also need to know the etiquette of particular situations and how to adjust your verbal and nonverbal behavior for those situations. Over time, a standard code has emerged to allow people to get along with one another in business and to know what to expect from each other. Standard American English is the international language of business, and standard Western manners are the official protocol in the United States. For better or worse, if you don't speak or behave according to these standards, you immediately set yourself up for criticism. But by the same token, if you don't recognize and respect those who follow other traditions, you may get yourself in a jam. A paradox lurks here. The standards of business etiquette in the United States require Standard American English and Western manners. But Standard American English may not be your native language, and you may be a member of a tradition whose codes of manners are different from Western manners. Luckily, you have a way out: When you're in the United States, do as the Americans do. You don't have to adopt American business etiquette around the clock, of course. At times, U.S. business etiquette is entirely inappropriate, and your role as a professional need not consume your life entirely. U.S. business etiquette applies when you're doing business in the United States. When you're not doing business, or when you're not doing business in the United States, other codes of etiquette apply. In addition, knowing more than one language helps almost everyone in the business world. Learning even a few words and phrases can be a real plus. In certain businesses — the music industry, for example — slang and jargon are useful. But in almost all other situations, speaking and writing clearly and grammatically are paramount. Now that you can communicate, how do you behave? Respect dictates that you take it upon yourself to learn about other cultures. If your business regularly takes you to other parts of the world, take a course in protocol, or read about the customs, religions, and expectations of those parts of the world.