Parenting Articles

Article / Updated 09-14-2023

Here’s a collection of seven traits that are often found in amazing dads — qualities that each and every guy can develop on his journey to becoming a father: Confidence: It takes time to feel truly confident about handling a newborn, but you gain confidence by doing things and getting your hands dirty (literally in some cases), even if at first things don’t go right. Looking after a newborn, baby, or toddler can seem daunting at times but isn’t actually that hard. It just comes down to being attentive to the needs of your little one, making an effort, and learning a few tricks. No matter how hard things get — you’re stressed out at work and the baby’s waking up every three hours at night, your partner’s sick, and you’re doing all the housework — you’ll get through it and you’ll be a more confident dad (and person) as a result. So don’t be afraid to wade in because it will give you a great sense of achievement, lift your spirits, and build your self-esteem when you don’t have to rely on mom for anything to do with the baby (other than breastfeeding). Creativity: Sometimes you truly have to think outside the box when you’re looking after babies or spending time with children. Children have no trouble with pretend play and let their fantasies run wild, so just go with it. Sometimes you’ll also have to find creative solutions to some basic problems, such as when you’ve run out of diapers. An old dish towel may have to do while you take baby to the store to get disposables. Endurance: Sometimes the only way to cope with a situation is to endure it. When your baby is colicky and wakes every few hours at night, or is teething and cries constantly, you may be at the end of your rope trying to work out how to put a stop to that noise. Often there’s no solution; there’s nothing you can fix or do to make a difference. It’s just the way it is, and you’re going to have to suck it up. But understanding that everything in parenting comes and goes — that one day, your little one will sleep through the night, one day, your child will have all his teeth, and one day, he will grow out of colic — will help you endure the bad times while they last. Like patience, endurance can be hard to muster when you’re tired, you’ve had little sleep, and you see no end in sight. The early weeks of a baby’s life are a little like an endurance sport — just surviving the sleep deprivation, the crying that grips your brain and shakes it about, and the never-ending rounds of feeding, burping, changing, and settling can seem impossible. But even marathons end sooner or later, so take every day as it comes and before you know it you’ll be celebrating your little one’s first birthday. If you’re having a hard time coping with a crying child and feel like lashing out — stop right now. Put your baby in a safe place, such as her crib, and take a breather. Count to ten. Even better, go outside for a minute or two, take some deep breaths, and calm down. When you go back, comfort your baby and call your healthcare provider or someone who can come and take over for a while, while you take a break. Optimism: Your life as a dad will be much easier if you try to see the funny side of things and take the “glass is half full” position. At times you may be overwhelmed, stressed, or totally exhausted, and then it’s easy to slip into thinking nature’s way of organizing procreation totally sucks. When you get annoyed and you’re feeling negative, your child is likely to pick up on it, and he might actively participate in making the situation even more difficult to handle. So shake yourself up and snap out of negativity. Try a different approach or do something to get in a better frame of mind. Chances are you’ll get a more positive response from your child if you’re more positive. Passion: Immerse yourself in all the tasks that need doing around your baby, toddler, or child. By doing that, you’ll develop a passion for being a dad, and you’ll love being a dad with all your heart. Your child picks up on your passion and will be inspired to learn, develop, and grow with you at an amazing pace. Patience: Patience is a virtue — especially for dads! Patience is your friend and makes things a lot easier when you’ve got kids around. Without patience, you would just pop with anger and there’d be tears all around, even for you. Most of the learning in the early years (and perhaps even throughout life) is achieved through constant and frequent repetition. As a father, you’re in the business of facilitating that learning, which means repeating yourself a lot, such as reading Where the Wild Things Are for the 53rd time, or telling your toddler not to pour his milk in the fish tank for the 17th time. Adults often not great at dealing with constant repetition because it’s deemed boring or frustrating. By fostering your own patience, you’ll be able to elegantly deal with constant repetition and keep your calm. As a result your child will get the support and encouragement he needs to learn. By being patient you avoid putting unnecessary pressure on your child to achieve something, which helps reduce frustration or feelings of inadequacy on his part. Presence: Taking time to be with your child and partner in a family is important. How you spend that time with your family is also important. Children have a finely tuned awareness of your attention. They can tell right away whether you’re actually engaging with them or merely present physically, with your mind miles away. Being present means you devote 100 percent of your attention to your child and you focus on what he’s doing. You don’t watch TV, read the newspaper, or get a bit of work done at the same time as playing with your child. If you’re hanging out with your child, be fully present and in the moment.

Article / Updated 06-05-2023

An unfortunate consequence of separation and divorce is that a large number of fathers are separated from their children. Separation should be no barrier to continuing to be a great dad and role model for your child or children. There’s very little difference between the responsibilities of a nonresident father and a living-at-home father. You don’t have to be going through separation to be regarded as a remote father. Fathers who are away overseas on military service, fathers who are in prison, and dads who are very busy or travel often can also be considered remote fathers. Here are some tips for continuing to be a great dad, even though you can’t be there for every bedtime: Be punctual. If you’re expected at noon, be there at 12 p.m. sharp. Waiting around for you can be very hard on a young child, especially one who doesn’t understand why you don’t live at home anymore. Don’t slack off on all those fatherly duties you may have had when you were still living with your kids, such as discipline and encouraging their development. Be consistent with your rules and boundaries. As difficult as it may be, you also need to work hard to agree to some basic principles for disciplining your children with your ex. And of course, keep going with the principles of parenting — provide your child with love and warmth, a secure and safe environment, and lots of time spent listening to and talking with him. Foster a good working relationship with your child’s mother. Your child will pick up on when things aren’t going well between you two, so work hard at putting the anger, bitterness, or frustrations behind you. Keep your promises. If you told your child that you’d be there on Thursday to pick him up after school, then do it. Take care of yourself, mentally and physically. Being positive and happy is rough after separation and divorce, but it makes you a positive role model for your kids. Neglecting your basic needs (eating decent food, showering every day, getting some exercise, and keeping your place tidy) or turning your place into a new bachelor pad is not a great situation for your children to spend time with you. Try to avoid falling into the trap of buying your kids special presents or taking them on special outings all the time in an attempt to be the favorite parent or to ensure they love you. They love you unconditionally, and the best things you can give them are your time, respect, and unconditional love. When you drop off your child at his mother’s house, try not to draw out the goodbyes like you’re about to go to the moon for a month. Normalize the situation by telling him good night, that you love him, and that you’ll see him very soon. Your child may be feeling abandoned, resentful that you’ve left, or just plain confused about when he’ll see you again. Being on time and a man of your word means your little one can trust in you and believe in what you say. Remind him that even though you don’t live at his home anymore, you’ll always be there for him.

Article / Updated 05-19-2023

Camping with children is an outstanding way to share a love for the outdoors without breaking the budget. While family backpacking or camping does take a great deal of planning and loads of patience, it is a rewarding activity for both you and your children. If you have gone camping before, you will quickly realize that to go camping with children requires added responsibility and alertness on a parent's part. Common sense and good judgment are the rule. Not surprisingly, the crucial point to a successful camping trip with parents and children is often rooted in their first experiences outdoors together. A question commonly posed is, "When is my child old enough to begin hiking and camping?" The answer depends on your child. No two personalities are the same; no two children the same. What may work for one family may not work for another. The following guidelines can help you decide when and where to introduce your child to the great outdoors, but please remember that the only firm guide is each child's particular personality and physical condition. Whatever the activity, you must let them pace themselves. Infant: Pediatricians recommend that parents wait until the child is 5 months old before venturing into the wilderness. This is when a child can easily sit up and support their own weight and has fallen into a fairly regular sleep pattern. Use a sturdy child carrier that is safe and secure for the child and comfortable for you. Toddler: Between the ages of 2 and 4, children are still getting used to the idea of being on two points of balance and not four. Short hikes between half a mile and 2 miles are ideal as long as the terrain is flat and secure to walk on. Take regular walks in a neighborhood park to get a feel for your child's attention span. Expect a focused attention span of around 10 minutes for younger children and up to 30 minutes for older children. Ages 5-9: Longer hikes at an easy pace over easy terrain are now possible. Children are beginning to develop more physical and mental durability. This is an ideal age to begin allowing your child to become involved in most aspects of the trip, from planning and packing to helping lead. The older your child is in this age group, the more likely moderate goal setting will be effective. Just make sure that the goals are shared and not an unrealistic attempt on the parent's part to "motivate" the child up an impossible hill or over a 10-mile endurance test. Ages 10-13: Children in this age range are becoming increasingly conditioned physically. Emotionally, they are more likely to be able to handle moderately challenging situations, but they are also more likely to question the worth of anything extremely difficult. Hikes up to 10 miles are possible as long as the terrain is not too hilly or mountainous. Children in this age group thrive on being the leader — diplomatic and judicious support from parents is key. Menu planning, route finding, cooking, and camp setup are reasonable tasks to assign to kids at this age, but be careful that they do not take on too much and begin to feel like all they are doing is working. Ages 14-18: Distances up to 12 miles become reasonable in this age group. Terrain choices and goal setting can become more challenging, but the axiom remains the same: Any choice must be a group choice, or the parent risks making the children feel dragged along. Children are encountering growth spurts during this period and are definitely vulnerable to stress and overuse injuries. Use caution and listen to your children — they may need to back off a hike. Be prepared to get down and dirty with your children. Experience the outdoors with them — don't just watch them. Parents shouldn't scold their children for getting up close and personal with a mud puddle, dirt, a bug, or more. Become childlike in your pursuit of the outdoors and your children will appreciate even more the time you spend together in the wilds. This is not to say that you have to get filthy to appreciate being in the outdoors. However, a little dirt should not hold you back — whether you're a grown-up or a child.

Article / Updated 05-03-2023

You have either been granted a parenting order by the courts or negotiated with your former partner to be the primary caregiver. It’s more unusual for dads to be primary caregivers than it is for moms, so take pride that you’re blazing a trail for dads everywhere! As the primary caregiver, you’re in charge of your kids. Whenever you have to make a decision about your family, keep in mind that the kids come first. Coming to terms with being a primary caregiver Having day-to-day care of your children on your own can be both exciting and terrifying. Being primary caregiver is a huge responsibility, and you need to take a lot into consideration: How do you look after yourself in all this? How will you handle contact arrangements with your former partner? How often will your children see your former partner’s family? Where will you find the money for mortgage payments or rent, food, clothes and school uniforms, school fees, doctor’s visits, transport, school supplies, extracurricular activities, and sports fees? Will you work, or receive welfare or child support payments? How much time will you have for paid employment? How will you juggle your children’s school and sports schedules? How are you going to sort out life with your children if you have a new partner? At times it may seem daunting to be a single dad, but plenty of single moms are out there looking after children and doing a bang-up job. A dad can do just as good a job as a mom! It helps to have a routine and make sure your kids know what’s happening. Enlisting family to give you some space or help with pick-ups or babysitting from time to time also helps. Supporting your children’s mother Even though you’re not partners in a romantic sense, you and your children’s mother are still partners in a parenting sense. Whatever happened during the marriage or partnership that caused the breakdown and separation, it’s time to let go of the negative feelings — the hurt, the resentment, the anger — and get on with raising your children as best as you can. Your children need their mother around. Although she doesn’t live with your children anymore, she can see them all the time and have a close, loving bond with them. What can you do to support the relationship between your kids and their mom? Here are some ideas: Just like bedtime and dinnertime, you might like to make mom time a daily ritual. Mom could call at the same time each night to say good night or read a bedtime story on the phone. If she lives nearby, she could come over for half an hour at the same time each night to tuck the children in. Keep your children’s mother up to date with your children’s progress at school, any special events that are coming up, or parent–teacher evenings she should attend. Keep your negative comments about your kids’ mom to yourself — bad-mouthing her to your children is not okay. They love their mother and have trust in her, and eroding those feelings helps no one. Realize your former partner may be feeling inadequate or irresponsible as a mother. Appreciate that this arrangement is probably quite tough for her. Share pictures, stories, artwork, and school successes with your former partner so she still feels a part of what the children are up to when she’s not there. Try not to be too rigid with contact arrangements. Go easy on your ex-partner if she’s a little late. At the beginning she may be a bit nervous or unsure of how her relationship with her kids is going to work out. Make sure the kids are ready to go when she arrives and pack their bags so she’s not caught out without diapers or sippy cups. Seeking help and assistance As the primary caregiver of the children, you may require some (or loads) of help and assistance. You shouldn’t hold back from making use of what is available. Parenting courses In some cases, courts can require you to complete online parenting courses during the divorce process. Websites such as positiveparenting.com can provide you with a list of acceptable courses. Fatherhood.gov can help you find local programs in your state as well as provide other sources of information that can help you be the best parent possible. Financial help Contact the appropriate government department to see whether you’re eligible for any benefits or tax credits. The IRS website can give you information on whether or not you qualify, based on your income and other factors. Getting out and about Just knowing you’re part of a wider network of dads raising their kids alone and well is invaluable. It’s also really healthy for your kids to know they’re not the only ones dealing with mom and dad being apart. If parents’ groups or dads’ groups are close to where you are, join in so you can network with other parents. Personal help The end of a relationship can bring up some personal issues. You may realize you need help with anger management, self-esteem, or managing stress. Don’t procrastinate — if you feel you could benefit from a coach, therapist, or other specialist, pick up the phone or search the Internet. Your kids need you to be the best dad you can be, so if that means getting a bit of help, just do it. Having fun Despite everything that has happened, spending time with your children is still generally great fun. But you may encounter some times when it isn’t so much fun. When you’ve had a rough day in the office and come home to bills in the mail and children who turn up their noses at their dinner, just stop for a moment and clear your head. Take a look at your children’s faces. Remember how much you love them and how they make you smile and laugh. Your children are worth every bit of extra effort in the end. Your children will bring you more joy than frustration if you’re open to it. Play and interact with your children as much as you can. Read books together, give them lots of hugs, and let yourself be a bit silly with them. Children can learn so much from an involved and caring father. If you’re an older dad, constant playing can take a toll on you, so get other family members involved, set up play dates, and share the fun, while you spend time with adults watching the children have fun. Actually, this is highly recommended for parents of all ages!

Article / Updated 04-17-2023

Pregnancy looks easy when it’s happening to someone else. As a man, you don’t have to endure what’s going on in a pregnant woman’s body 24/7 — and there’s a lot going on. Helping in any way you can is greatly appreciated. Take care of your partner Growing a baby is hard work and takes quite a physical toll on a woman’s body. Sure, some women climb mountains and run marathons up to the day they give birth, but those are exceptions rather than your average woman’s pregnancy experience. For starters, morning sickness can be debilitating, and for some women the morning sickness never eases until the pregnancy is over. The tiredness and carrying around all that blood, fluid, and an extra person puts all sorts of strains on the female body. Look after your partner 24/7 if need be, especially if she’s having a difficult pregnancy, and do all you can to make life easier for her. It may mean looking after the household for nine months all by yourself, and for sure you’ll get sick of it. But let’s face it — would you prefer to squeeze a baby out of your body? So, man up and do whatever needs doing in the house. Get on the wagon Your partner has to stay off alcohol, drugs, cigarettes, blue cheese, seafood, and a whole lot of other stuff to keep that baby in there safe and sound. Seeing you downing a pint of beer and enough salami to sink a small ship could be enough to send her over the edge. Staying off alcohol and cigarettes, not to mention anything heavier you may be into, and eating what she can eat is not only better for you, but it sets up a precedent for how you intend to live as a father. Give your partner some “me” time every now and then The prospect of becoming a mother, while really exciting for your partner, is also a daunting one, both mentally and physically. For most mothers, the first few months after birth end up being a 24-hour, seven-days-a-week job. Even though they traded in their old life of meetings, schedules, work commitments, and deadlines that they may have no sentimental attachment to, for the care of a tiny, helpless baby whom they love, the role can be overwhelming. Over the next few years — perhaps until your child has left home — your partner’s always going to have one eye on what she’s doing and one eye on your child. So in the months before this all kicks off, let her have some time that’s just for her. Be there for the medical stuff Go along to all the medical appointments, scans, and meetings with your midwife or obstetrician. Your partner will want you to be there to share in it. The first time you hear your baby’s heartbeat through the Doppler or see the faint shadows of your baby moving and bouncing around in your partner’s belly during an ultrasound scan, you’ll be glad you came along. Although you’re not carrying the baby right now, that tiny growing thing in there is your child too. Your place is to know about how well he’s developing, any potential health issues, and what options you as a couple have for welcoming your child into the world. Get with the program Start getting some hands-on practice with essential baby knowledge and skills. Moms-to-be love to see their partners getting excited about their new life as parents, and what better way to show it than to throw yourself into the preparations? There’s so much to learn about looking after a newborn baby and the months after that, so why not find out all you can about it? Ask your midwife or obstetrician about prenatal classes in your area and discuss which one you think would suit you and your partner best. Make it a priority to never miss a class, even if there’s work to be done at the office or you’ve been invited to drinks after work. Let’s face it; the office and your work will be there for a long time. Preparing for your first child happens only once in your life. Go on a babymoon As a couple, now is the perfect time to take a relaxing and indulgent holiday somewhere. Don’t choose a 10-mile hike in the mountains. Someplace where lounge chairs and swimming pools are more common than office buildings, with great restaurants and shops to browse. Somewhere the two of you can just hang out, sleep late, read books, and do whatever you want when you want. Check with your healthcare provider before heading off to parts unknown. She may suggest not traveling for a certain number of weeks before your partner’s due date or to certain parts of the world. Be excited about becoming a dad Finding out you’re going to be a dad is a little scary. You may have some reservations because of your own childhood, your financial situation, or the responsibility you’re going to have. Your partner may also share some of those worries and concerns, but burying your head in the sand and pretending the baby’s not going to arrive won’t help. Even if the impending change of lifestyle takes a while to sink in, you can definitely make the pregnancy experience more enjoyable for your partner if you show a bit of excitement about becoming a dad. Showing your partner that you’re excited will get her excited and happy about becoming a mom. You want her to be happy and excited. Celebrate! In a few months when the baby is born, you’ll be celebrating a new person’s presence in your life. Not just any new person, but the person who is on this Earth because of you. That’s pretty special! But it does come with a price — temporary sleep deprivation and a restricted social life. So make the most of your quiet nights and unlimited access to the outside world now! Take your partner out for a posh dinner somewhere fancy, visit a special place together — do whatever spins your wheels as a couple. Record that beautiful belly In our great-grandmothers’ and grandmothers’ days, having a whole litter of children was common, and the pregnant belly was hidden away as if it were some kind of obscenity. These days, though, it’s rare to have more than five or six children, and more usual for a woman to have one to three children in her lifetime. Celebrating the physical changes that take place during pregnancy, such as the voluptuous new shape of a pregnant belly and those plus-sized breasts that you gotta love, is now more usual. Most pregnant women, while despising the weight they put on, love their bellies, so get out your camera from week one and get snapping. Keep telling your partner how beautiful she is For many women, the hardest part of pregnancy is near the due date. Your partner may be having a difficult time getting comfortable at night and suffering from heartburn, hemorrhoids, and various aches and pains. She may have stretch marks, and her legs and feet may be sausage-shaped. Your partner’s tired all the time but can’t sleep. She wants her body back but is frightened about how she’s going to handle giving birth. You, as your partner’s great ally, her support, and her rock, will earn mega brownie points and endear yourself to her always if you keep telling her how beautiful she is. She wants to know that you still find her attractive — not just because of the way she looks, but because of who she is and the fact that she’s going to make a wonderful mother.

Cheat Sheet / Updated 04-12-2022

Potty training is an important step in childhood development. As a parent, you need to recognize the signs that your child is ready for the toilet talk, institute a potty-training process, keep that process going, and recognize when your child is almost there. Along the way, you need to make sure that your child knows potty-trianing terminology, be able to spot problems that need medical attention, and separate potty-training myths from reality.

Cheat Sheet / Updated 03-10-2022

Your baby’s first year is a precious time that will pass all too quickly — in retrospect. To help calm your new-parent jitters, cover the basics: Make sure that you have a list of essential phone numbers handy, know what symptoms dictate that you call the doctor immediately, and understand the many reasons your baby cries. And for yourself, repeating an affirmation or two can help you keep your perspective and your sanity.

Cheat Sheet / Updated 03-09-2022

Following some helpful advice about parenting will help you keep your cool and forge ahead with enthusiasm even when the going gets rough. In case of a family emergency, make sure you have a list handy of emergency phone numbers and that everyone in the house knows where it is. Parenting comes with a set of absolute rules, so get to know and consistently practice them. When you can't figure out why your baby is crying, go through a list of possible reasons and their remedies from top to bottom.

Article / Updated 06-18-2019

How do you become a smart family? Eliminate the "I" versus "you" attitude in your home, and you're on your way to raising higher-achieving kids with whom other people want to work and play. You won't be perfect at this smart family routine. No family is. Even the best intentions slip now and then, which is perfectly normal. Just strive toward making these ten qualities of smart families your goal. Willing to go the extra mile for each other Make your family motto family first. Ensure that each person knows the important role they play in the family and understands that this role sometimes involves pitching in and making sacrifices to strengthen family life. Let cooperation, compassion, and kindness be your watchwords. In healthy families, members expect to give up time, energy, and lots of other luxuries for each other, even though they may grumble about it. Smart kids need to feel confident that family members are there for each other, should the need arise. Reinforce that this major juggling act has a positive side. Clue-in everyone that they will get back much more than they give. And be prepared to reap the rewards of a more confident, higher-achieving child. That's what the strength of family brings. Respecting each other Don't be put off by all the togetherness. Sticking close as a family doesn't negate the importance of respecting individuality. Every child has the ability to be smart. By respecting her ideas and interests, you allow your child's natural abilities to surface. Respect is one of those behaviors kids master partly by observation. If you listen without judging and act courteously and politely toward all kinds and ages of people, chances are, your child will get the message that others deserve respect. The message may not sink in immediately, but eventually, considerate and mannerly behavior rubs off. Delighting in each other Smart families like yours enjoy each other. You thrill at experiencing enriching adventures together. You build a school-at-home curriculum that encourages fun and learning, so your child grows intellectually. You read, listen to music, and play indoor and outdoor games together, creating a rich intellectual heritage as part of regular family activities. Or you spend downtime together doing absolutely nothing. Yet, you allow everyone their own interests and activities and rejoice at hearing what family members experience when apart. Cherish family time and the stabilizing connectedness it brings. Communicating with each other Building a smart family relies on your being able to understand each other's feelings, which isn't always an easy process. As much as humanly possible given each family member's qualities, let every family member know that he or she is understood, and that his or her feelings and thoughts count. Share family beliefs at mealtimes. Discuss problems and gripes during family meetings. Take time to listen and rephrase what someone says to show you understand and help you clarify if you don't. Know that it's never too late to open lines of communication. Say, write, or do something positive for each family member every day. Pep talks keep everyone going in a smart direction. Growing from each other and from mistakes Growing from each other runs both ways: for you to counsel your kids and for you to learn from them. Sharing your wisdom with your kids Sometimes, the best course of action is to let situations happen. Try to develop an attitude that no matter what or how painful the outcome, the situation is a learning experience, a place to begin again. When teeth-gnashing, tear-producing, or otherwise scary situations occur, try to ask, "What's the worst that can happen here?" If you and your offspring can handle the answer, you can handle anything. Learning from your kids Never be so proud and into a rigid I-have-to-know-it-all-because-I'm-the-parent role that you can't learn from your kids. This entire parenting trek is a give-and-take learning experience. If you don't realize the wonderful possibilities of seeing the world from your child's vantage point, you're missing a lot. Let your child see you make mistakes. Mistakes humanize you — rather than demean you — in your child's eyes. And let your child see how you take responsibility and handle your mistakes. Valuing effort, not product Set high family standards. But don't tie your child's self-worth to fulfilling expectations that may or may not be realistic. Kids judge themselves by how others value them. So let your child know through actions and words what's really important: Celebrate individual accomplishments, no matter how imperfect. Praise the way family members tackle jobs, instead of praising end-products. Emphasize your child's character, goodness, and effort. From this encouraging cocoon, your child gains the inner strength to tackle new endeavors. She also learns that being smart means more than test results and winning competitions and games. Being smart is about feeling good about yourself for doing the best you can. Solving problems together Smart families involve everyone in decisions about routines and choices. As a parent, you shape family discussions but aren't an authoritarian "Because I say so!" type. Take cues from every family member, even little people. As your child matures, arrange for greater responsibility and more independence. But stay on top of what your child is doing at home and at school. Smart families catch problems before they develop into something bigger, no matter what age a child reaches. Ultimately, you're the parent. As such, you make the final decisions. Show your child you care by setting reasonable limits that include her participation. Creating an environment that values learning Smart families continue to learn together. Everyone becomes involved in the child's learning, which then encourages more learning. Freedom to initiate activities and goals exists within a safe and stable framework that Limits media Encourages reading Allows free play only after homework is done Reacting well to successes and failures Smart families accept that they are human. Near-perfection may be a goal, but you all understand that nobody can be perfect, nor should you be. Encourage family members to accept success humbly and failure with grace. Be an apologizing family. Advocate that everyone, including yourself, sprinkle, "I'm sorry," "Do you need a hug," or "I need a hug," liberally into words and actions. Nothing gets you through difficult times better than a sense of humor. Showing and saying, "I love you" The one common denominator of families that raise smart kids is their unconditional love for each other. Any family, no matter what background the family comes from, can produce successful kids if your heart guides your parenting philosophy. You can read books, talk with experts, and commit their gems to memory. But if your heart tells you something different than the know-it-alls, go with your gut. Raising a smart kid is no different than raising any child. Above all, it takes a loving family that encourages warm, positive feelings to emanate through words and actions. Smiles, a loving touch, a kind word: Loving each other to bits is the most important ingredient for raising a smarter, more successful child.

Article / Updated 01-23-2017

Keep an open mind as you check out your potty-chair choices: seats that attach to the big toilet, little potty chairs — and don't forget that you can always use that hand-me-down chair (from an older sibling or cousin), and let little sweetkins personalize it with stickers, making the throne hers alone. Encourage your trainee to sit on different chairs to check out size. How well each one fits her tiny backside can be a big factor in her speed of adapting to potty training. Find a nice fit: In the store, let her road-test a few and see which ones are comfy and best fit her baby-buttocks. The right chair will be sized so that she can rest her feet on the floor and use her muscles to bear down when she wants to start a BM (bowel movement). Feet dangling in the air aren't conducive to making the process work. Study the nitty-gritty: Check out potty chairs and toilet-toppers for basic practicalities, such as stability and easily removable catch bowls. Opt for a remove-from-the-top bowl over the type of bowl that you remove from the back, which isn't as user-friendly. Also, make sure the chair doesn't slide around. Try to predict your reaction to wild gadgetry before you buy a chair that sings to your toddler as she sits, or rings a bell when pee hits the bottom of the bowl, or any number of other combinations. Otherwise, your child will get confused if you suddenly deactivate her bell in mid-stream. Parents who find repetitive sounds annoying should definitely bypass the talking-singing potty chairs. If your chief desire is to avoid the noise of your trainee's potty chair, the process is doomed from the start. So, don't feel guilty if you decide to steer clear of the one that's crooning show tunes. Choosing the right style When it comes to potty chairs, you have two different styles to choose from: a stand-alone potty chair you put in the bathroom, or a special adapter seat you attach to the big people's toilet. Consider the smart-device factor: Some kids and parents like a chair that has all the bells and whistles — one setup has a potty chair, an adapter seat for later, and a stepstool. Foster a love connection between child and chair. If you get your toddler's thumbs up on a chair she likes, she'll feel more like the chair is her own. Going with a toilet-topper If your kid is turned on by the adults' toilet, she's already motivated, so get a special potty seat that hooks onto the toilet to make it fit a child. Figure 1 shows a toilet with a seat attached. Also, buy a little stepstool because she must be able to plant her feet firmly on a base (and push), for better bowel movements. Get a no-nuisance toilet-top adapter: If you're buying an adapter seat for the adults' toilet, try to find one that won't drive the rest of the family nuts because removing it is such a bother. Figure 1: A toilet-topper potty seat on an adult toilet. Opting for a potty chair Buy a private chair for an individualist: The child who's fond of the "mine" word will relate more easily to a potty-chair than to the big people's toilet. Typically, a kid likes having her own private little pee-pot, such as the one shown in Figure 2. Figure 2: An on-the-floor potty chair. With this type of seat, your child won't need your help in getting on the potty, as she may with the adults' toilet. The one downside: You have to clean out the bowl — and that gets old. A potty chair stationed on each floor of a multiple-level home is a good idea. You want to do everything you can to help your tot succeed — so, make it ultra-easy for her to complete the race to the potty. (Expect trips to be at warp-speed at first.) Potty chair paraphernalia Having a child in the house means you also have a lot of "stuff," from toys to clothes to gadgets. The potty-training stage also has its gadgets. Whether it's all necessary or not, is up to you. Boy-directed splash guards, such as the one shown on the potty chair in Figure 3, can be troublesome for boys and girls. Be sure you remove the urine guard from the potty seat or toilet ring because it can scrape your child as she moves on and off. This device is meant to keep urine from splashing, but don't take a chance. If your child gets hurt, she will think the toilet is scary, and that's a whole new set of problems. You don't want to go there. Figure 3: A potty chair with splash guard. Some ultra-practical accessories are Jonny Glow strips that have a night-glow that helps your child use the potty in the middle of the night. Given a 15-minute charge from a normal bathroom light, the strips will glow for 10 hours, and they're easy to stick on any toilet surface. If you want a little fluff in the bathroom, try a potty sticker chart or a bowl of tiny potty prizes displayed where your toddler can see it. She'll get the idea "If I get the hang of this potty thing, I can get stickers and a prize from that bowl — cool!" You could also hang up a hygiene chart, with pictures that take kids through the steps from wiping bottoms to cleaning hands.